I feel like when you become a mother you suddenly get bombarded with ideas and opinions on “the best way” to mother. The best way to feed your baby. The best way for them to sleep. The best way to give birth.
I think its all rather irrelevant in the greater scheme of mothering, which as far as I can tell…lasts a lifetime..
Breast vs bottle. Attachment parenting. Co-sleeping. CIO. They’re choices we make as parents. But do they yield a better bond, a better future for our children if we chose one over the other? I don’t know that they do. For me they don’t matter.
To me there’s no such thing as the best way to mother a child. For the most part we do the best we can with what we have, and the information we are given. But I think the guilt of thinking perhaps we made a mistake in how we raise our kids can leave a lasting impact.
I’m completely guilty of all of this. I too used to think that there was a “right and wrong way” to do certain things. I suppose that is why I felt so much guilt after I had Johannes via emergency c-section.
But its changing. With this pregnancy I was hoping to have a VBAC. But not because I wanted to prove something to myself, or anyone else for that matter. I wanted a VBAC because the doctor advised me that it was the safest thing to do. Now I face the prospect of another c-section. This little boy is breech. I get to have an ultrasound tomorrow to check and make sure that all is ok, and then I’m free to try various exercises and massages to try and flip him into position. Even then there is a 50% chance that he won’t flip.
I thought I would be more or less upset about it but I’m not. I guess I feel somewhat indifferent. My goal is to have a healthy baby and the means by which he lands in my arms is not as important to me right now. I look at Johannes and how he’s grown and I feel proud. I know that some of this is as a result of my parenting, even if its only a small part. I don’t think I would be any closer to him had I had a natural birth, a water birth, a vaginal birth. Its just a product of our relationship and our connection is organic.
I nursed Johannes for a year, but before he was born I was dead set against nursing. I didn’t think it was for me. I thought it would feel unnatural. And who knows, maybe the second time around I won’t want to, or maybe I won’t be able to nurse. But I know with certainty that I will love this little boy just as much as I love Johannes. So as moms we just do our very best.
I’d love to hear your thoughts? Have you ever been made to feel like maybe your choices as a mom weren’t the right ones?