no such thing as the “best way” in motherhood

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I feel like when you become a mother you suddenly get bombarded with ideas and opinions on “the best way” to mother.  The best way to feed your baby.  The best way for them to sleep.  The best way to give birth.

I think its all rather irrelevant in the greater scheme of mothering, which as far as I can tell…lasts a lifetime..

Breast vs bottle.  Attachment parenting.  Co-sleeping.  CIO.  They’re choices we make as parents.  But do they yield a better bond, a better future for our children if we chose one over the other?  I don’t know that they do.  For me they don’t matter.

To me there’s no such thing as the best way to mother a child.  For the most part we do the best we can with what we have, and the information we are given.  But I think the guilt of thinking perhaps we made a mistake in how we raise our kids can leave a lasting impact.

I’m completely guilty of all of this.  I too used to think that there was a “right and wrong way” to do certain things.  I suppose that is why I felt so much guilt after I had Johannes via emergency c-section.

But its changing.  With this pregnancy I was hoping to have a VBAC.  But not because I wanted to prove something to myself, or anyone else for that matter.  I wanted a VBAC because the doctor advised me that it was the safest thing to do.  Now I face the prospect of another c-section.  This little boy is breech.  I get to have an ultrasound tomorrow to check and make sure that all is ok, and then I’m free to try various exercises and massages to try and flip him into position.  Even then there is a 50% chance that he won’t flip.

I thought I would be more or less upset about it but I’m not.  I guess I feel somewhat indifferent.  My goal is to have a healthy baby and the means by which he lands in my arms is not as important to me right now.  I look at Johannes and how he’s grown and I feel proud.  I know that some of this is as a result of my parenting, even if its only a small part.  I don’t think I would be any closer to him had I had a natural birth, a water birth, a vaginal birth.  Its just a product of our relationship and our connection is organic.

I nursed Johannes for a year, but before he was born I was dead set against nursing.  I didn’t think it was for me.  I thought it would feel unnatural.  And who knows, maybe the second time around I won’t want to, or maybe I won’t be able to nurse.  But I know with certainty that I will love this little boy just as much as I love Johannes.  So as moms we just do our very best.

I’d love to hear your thoughts?  Have you ever been made to feel like maybe your choices as a mom weren’t the right ones?

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quiet

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For now our afternoons are quiet and reflective.  After finishing work and picking up Johannes from summer camp I’m usually exhausted and in need of 20minutes of quiet time to lie in bed and let the swelling and aches subside.  Johannes usually reads his books beside me or opts to watch a fishing show.  I’m trying desperately to hold on to these final moments because I know in a just a short time it won’t be just him and I alone after school or camp is over.  It will be three of us.  Each with our own agenda.  Johannes and I have, for the most part, a seamless existence.  We get each other, we know what works and what the routine ought to be.  Soon though we will figure out a new routine, and new needs of a brand new member of the family.  The signs of his imminent arrival are visible all throughout the house.  His room, the car seat, baby toys and now the bassinet that my friend was so kind to lend us for the first little bit.  I have no doubt that once the little one comes he will fit right in.  We will adapt and adjust and I will love every minute of our new version of quiet.

a weekend in pictures

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I guess I took a little impromptu vacay from the blog and social media but it was needed.  One of my work projects has been incredibly taxing for months, often needing 70-80 hours of work time and leaving me hardly any time for family or hobbies (blog included).  I try my best to juggle a career with family life, friends and extra projects, but this time it got to be too much and I needed to shut it down and just focus on one task at a time.

Now the taxing project is almost over, at least the hard part is.  Johannes, who started his summer vacation is back in summer camp this week, and I’m inching closer to my due date.  We are 99% done decorating our home and most importantly, our little boy’s room.  It feels so good to get this place done and know that come September 3rd I don’t have any projects to tend to, and can focus on my boys.

I hope you all enjoyed your July 4th or Canada Day holiday weekends!  It was a blast and the summer goes on!

bits + pieces and a happy long weekend

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It’s Canada Day long weekend!  I’ve been a little busy with work lately but I’m hoping to put an end to that soon and be able to get back not only to this blog, but my family and friends as well.  Its been a long couple of months, and with less than 10weeks left of this pregnancy I’m really hoping to spend some time enjoying my two boys for a little bit before we’re thrust head on into newbornhood.

HAPPY CANADA DAY WEEKEND Canada!

 

Sunday at Paul’s Ranch

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on me: Arizia dress and hat // Saltwater Sandals  on him: Zara Kids tshirt // Jcrew shorts // TOMS shoes

Johannes has been non-stop talking about horses for over a year, and every chance he gets to ride one he begs and begs until we put him on a horse.  To be perfectly fair he loves all animals, regardless of what they are, even raccoons and skunks.  He’s an animal lover, maybe all kids are actually, but our son is crazy about them.  So back to the horses.  Johannes really wants  a horse.  As much as I would love to give him everything he wants, this is one gift I just can’t procure.  For starters we live in an urban area.  So a close friend of my brother’s, Paul, was so sweet as to let us crash his house and land and ride pretty much every machine and animal he has.  Johannes had a blast, so much so that he has told me repeatedly since coming home, that he doesn’t want to live with us anymore because he wants to go live with Paul.

Thank you Paul for being the best ever and letting us crash your beautiful space for the day.  You made a little boy’s dreams come to life, and we are super grateful.

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He Passed Level One!

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I am so excited for Johannes and how great he’s doing at swimming.  Its one sport he adores and that he’s pretty good at too.  Every Saturday morning since March we’ve been going to the pool with him, watching him get in the water and then finally figure out how to swim unassisted!  So as a result this past weekend his teacher passed him from level one red cross. I know it probably seems insignificant to some, but to me its a HUGE milestone, kind of like his first steps or the first time he rolled over as a baby.  Its one of those things that just makes you so proud of their accomplishments and to see their hard work get rewarded it means the world.  Ahhhh I can’t wait until the summer swim session starts again next month!

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