I never intended to breastfeed Johannes. I didn’t think it was for me. I realize this is a controversial topic, although I will never really understand why. I feel breastfeeding, or not breastfeeding for that matter, is a personal and completely individual choice. And its not a choice that make someone a bad mom or a good mom, or has any sort of defining quality…but this post really isn’t meant to address that opinion.
I didn’t intend to breastfeed Johannes, but then I tried it, and it worked for us…and to my surprise I really enjoyed it. It wasn’t easy by any means. I dealt with the same issues most breastfeeding moms deal with, cracked nipples, mastitis, blocked ducts, fear of running low on milk and on and on it goes. But 90% of the time breastfeeding Johannes was enjoyable and a special time I got with my son. So for me there was no question that when Magnus was born I wanted to breastfeed him too.
The challenges the second time around breastfeeding were similar to my first experience, except now I also had to feed Magnus with Johannes around. I tried various strategies to keep Johannes busy during these times, iPad, books, toys. But what I found was that Johannes wanted to sit with us during feeds. At first he had a lot of questions, which I answered truthfully and honestly. Like where milk came from,
“mom did you drink all the milk in the fridge and are now feeding it to Magnus?” he asked. I couldn’t help but laugh at that one. Or the ever present,
“mom I’m really thirsty now, can you please get me a glass of milk too?”.
But now that the questions have been asked and answered, Johannes is content sitting on the bench in Magnus’ room, or playing on the floor while I nurse.
I had to explain to him that his brother needs quiet time to eat, so he is generally respectful of this, although he needs reminding from time to time. And when he gets bored he leaves and goes to play in his room. And I’ve come to realize that I enjoy this special time with both my boys. I still get alone time to feed Magnus during the day and night time, but the morning times are for all of us together. I know its just a matter of time before Johannes won’t want to participate in the feedings, or maybe he will be embarrassed by it, but for now he’s innocent and open minded and I’m hoping to keep it that way.