Sometimes I look back at the self I was a year ago 9 months pregnant, eager to meet my little boy, elated, excited, anxious and terrified all at the same time. I look back and think, “what would I tell my pregnant self?”. What words of wisdom would I impart with a very pregnant, and slightly irrational, Ana?
photo taken by Labour of Love Photography
I didn’t enjoy my pregnancy the way I hear many women do. Mine was long, hard, painful and uncomfortable. Perhaps it had something to do with my son being bigger than the average infant, and my torso being disproportionately shorter than my legs. Or perhaps it was due to having every single symptom written about in pregnancy books. In any case I was eager for my pregnancy to end. For me to finally have my little boy to kiss and hug, and to finally get my old body back.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved feeling his little body move inside my belly. It was the most incredible feeling and for a long time after he was born, I would lay awake at night, not able to fall asleep without his rhythmic hiccups that came without fail every night around 10pm. So what would I say??
I would tell myself to be patient and enjoy the small things. Pregnancy is so special and it takes time to really savour it, good or bad, its still a unique experience.
I would tell myself that my son could hear me all day long. Really, really hear me, and that I should speak to him more often, read children’s books and sing lullabies.
I would tell myself to not be afraid of change. To expect to become a different person at the exact second of my son’s birth, but that this new momma would be such a more amazing mom than I could ever plan to be.
I would tell myself that the future is never guaranteed, but that all we can do is our very best. And often our best is good enough.
I would tell myself to understand that this new little person I am about to meet is both completely dependent and completely independent of me at the same time.
I would tell myself to know there would be hard times, frustrating times, scary times, but that in the end it will all work out.
I would tell myself that no matter how hard I tried to imagine the single exact moment of my son’s birth, no matter how many times I envisioned the exact feelings and emotions I would feel. Nothing could prepare me for just how that incredible it would actually be.
I would tell myself to sleep, relax and prepare to the biggest adventure of my life.
Because to me that’s just what this journey has been so far, an amazing adventure full of love and laughter, tears and frustration, and I am oh so fortunate to experience it to the fullest.