Hello Blog…its me, Ana

IMG_4080 IMG_4075

Does anyone read blogs anymore?  Or has everything moved over to Instagram now?  I ask this after an interesting conversation I had last week.  More and more I see people commenting on my Instagram posts referencing my blog posts.  So I guess some of you do read it, but is it just easier to comment on Instagram?  Is it because I can respond quicker?  Does it seem more accessible?  I am truly curious and intrigued.  I often wonder about the future of blogs, will people still be reading them 5 years from now?  I wonder too about the future of Instagram.  The microblogging platform is slowly becoming a mega marketing avenue for brands and shops all over the world.  What will happen when “they”, the power house at Facebook, decide to really capitalize on use.  Will people have to start paying for posts to be published, to reach our audience?  Will users start to back away from Instagram, like they do with Facebook?

I have a theory…I believe Instagram has replaced blogs on some level today.  But I believe that as more and more advertisements appear on Instagram and as the company tries to monetize on their ever growing popularity, people will start to back away from the social media platform and go back to the blog of the old.  I know that I for one am more and more turned off by Facebook, to the extent that I barely ever use it anymore.  The things that turn me off of Facebook are precisely the things that Instagram/Facebook would like to implement on Instagram as well.  For now my blog is still my own, controlled by me and accessible to all with no rules or restrictions getting in the way.  So here I am blog followers…are you still out there?

brothers

IMG_4019 IMG_4025 IMG_4044 IMG_4035 IMG_4054

Michael and I both have siblings, but they’re siblings of the opposite gender.  Michael has a sister, and I have a brother.  We don’t know what its like to have siblings that are the same as us and we’re not exactly sure what to expect.

I had worries before we brought Magnus home with us, that maybe Johannes wouldn’t want to have him around, or that maybe he would be jealous, but so far my fears have not materialized.  Brothers, it would seem, is a great fit for all of us.  Johannes loves his little brother, and wants to do everything for him and with him.  I hope that Magnus as he grows, will love Johannes back.

Maybe they will be best friends.  Best men at each other’s weddings.  Maybe they will want to share a room some day, or rent an apartment together in their twenties.  Maybe they will start a business together, or decide to live on the same street.  I’m pretty excited to grow old and learn more about their relationship.  I think these boys are going to teach us a whole lot about relationships and brotherly bonds.

Thanksgiving

IMG_4015 IMG_3966 IMG_4006 IMG_3971 IMG_3973 IMG_3979 IMG_4002 IMG_3998 IMG_3992 IMG_3994 IMG_3987

Canadian Thanksgiving came and went last weekend, and it was baby boy’s first holiday with our crazy bunch.  I had planned a whole bunch of activities for both the kids and ourselves.  Friday we were going to head out of town to a little farm, Johannes wanted to ride the tractor and pick apples, and I “selfishly” wanted a photo with the boys and the pumpkin patch.

Saturday we were going to can our leftover garden tomatoes, Johannes was very excited to help.  And Sunday we were going for our big family meal at my mom and dad’s.

But when we arrived at the farm on Friday morning, showered, fed and ready to enjoy the gorgeous fall day, I noticed Johannes wasn’t himself.  After thirty or so minutes of trying to play and walk I finally convinced him to head to grandma’s nearby and have a nap, hoping he was just tired and we could resume our fun later on in the day.  Unfortunately by the time we got to my mom’s he had a full blown fever, and was complaining of nausea.  Yep, the stomach flu has made its annual appearance.

And so the rest of our holiday plans were altered but still fun.  Johannes didn’t want to come back home in the car, feeling as awful as he did, so he spent a couple of days with his grandparents and we got to pick him up on Sunday when we gathered for the family dinner.  We even managed a little walk, and Johannes rode his car.  He was definitely well enough to go “super fast” as he calls it.

Why is it that we only make pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving?!  I think we need to make it more often because its by far my favourite kind of pie.

The Cure for the Baby Blues?

the baby blues with second pregnancy

Is there such a thing as a cure for the blues?  I guess the answer is multi-dimensional but overall there is no cure as far as I can tell.

I hoped the baby blues would stay away the second time around, but I wasn’t so lucky.  They came in with a vengeance on the second night we were home, and although I expected them, knew what it was and reminded myself that “it too shall pass”, I still suffered (suffer) three weeks out.

The blues for me start in the evening, or early afternoon.  I suppose that is when I am most tired, drained of patience and resources that keep me sane.  On the first night I had them I was covering up Johannes who had completely kicked off all of his covers and now looked cold and shivering to me.  I looked at him and remembered how he once was tiny just like Magnus.  How I used to pat his bum as a newborn to try and get rid of his hiccups, and how I would rock him to sleep with the sound of his seahorse playing in the background.  I suddenly felt an overwhelming fear of death, much like the last time I had the blues.  I feeling of impending doom.  Dread for the future and how quickly things change and how we all, including these babies, are not immune from getting old and one day ceasing to exist.

I suddenly longed for the days when Johannes was little, and wished deeply that I could turn back the clock of time.  I cried for a while.  I told Michael how I was feeling, that the blues were back.  I talked about it much more than I had the last time, with my husband and friends.   This time I felt less alone in my depression.  I now have mom friends who all went through the same stages, who felt various degrees of sadness.  We shared it with one another and it felt less lonely.  It helped.

Johannes, during the blues time of day helped remind me how funny he is, and how age hasn’t been a bad thing, but rather a way for us to get to know him better.  As sweet and little as he used to be, he is now a little human with a sense of humour and an emerging personality.  He is a source of inspiration and hope and helped tremendously.

A glass of wine or beer with dinner also worked wonders, and I have one like medicine every night….unapologetically.  So where am I now?  I still feel a bit down in the evenings, especially on rainy dark days.  But its getting better with each day.  What helps the most is knowing, from experience, that it will fade and give way for hope and positivity.  In the meantime I lean on my friends and family for support…and that glass of vino with my dinner.

Belly to Baby

AnaWeb-7 AnaWeb-2 Bluebird-13 Bluebird-9 Bluebird-14 Bluebird-22 Bluebird-10

photography by Modern Baby Life

Its pretty hard to believe looking at these photos now, that just days ago Magnus was still deep inside my belly…a complete mystery to me and our family.  We had no idea how sweet he was, and how well he would fit into our family.  I had worries and fears, the way I guess most soon-to-be mom’s of two are.  I worried that perhaps Johannes wouldn’t accept him, that maybe he would feel betrayed in some ways, or that he would be jealous and in exchange hate his little brother.  I also worried about myself and my feelings. I had a hard time imagining that I could love another person as much as I love Johannes.  I worried that Magnus might feel that and resent me.  And I worried that our life in three would change for the worse.

All the fears and worries went away the instant that Magnus came out.  I fell in love with him just like I had with Johannes.  My heart grew.  I didn’t have to share my love for the boys, my love just expanded to include our new little boy.  And all the fears about Johannes were put to rest too.  There are adjustments, and he does want to be picked up more.  He’s been testing us and challenging us on little tasks daily, and I think that’s his way of adjusting.  But we’re getting there and he’s getting better and better every day.  One thing is for sure though, Johannes loves his brother, and when he calls him his best friend or asks me to let him hold Magnus, my heart just grows even bigger.

Thank you so much Modern Baby Life for capturing our family so sweetly.  Belly, baby and family life with my boys.  I cherish it all, so thank you times a million!!

At Home

IMG_7332.JPG

IMG_7308.JPG

I have a brief moment to sit down and blog this morning, and feeling pretty proud of myself for getting out two posts this week! I think some celebratory champagne is in order during nap time today.

Johannes has a cold, nothing serious just sneezing and coughing. At least there’s no fever. And I’m trying my best to keep him and Magnus away from one another in hopes that he won’t catch this virus. So far so good I think.

My best friends during this time are my mom, who is here to help, the iPad, which is playing Bob the builder on repeat and the baby swing, which keeps Magnus busy when I need two hands to wipe runny noses or make snacks. Oh and a whole wack load of hand sanitizer.

The biggest surprise to me is how calm I am. When Johannes got his first cold I totally freaked out. I sat up all night, I worried, I fussed. But this time, even with the prospect of having a sick newborn in the house, I’m not too worried. I know that colds will come and go and there’s only so much I can do about it. I suppose that’s what happens the second time around, less stress, more confidence. It’s a nice change.

Let’s hope the cold passes quickly and we can all get back to a regular routine.