When Johannes was born I read all the parenting books, watched all the parenting videos, researched baby products and read all the consumer reports there were. I was inexperienced and naive. I assumed that babies could be raise by clear cut rules. That we could fix sleep problems by reading someone’s theory or step by step guide. And through trial and error and day by day we figured it all out anyways. We figured out what worked for us and what didn’t and most definitely made mistakes along the way. I say “we” because I certainly did not raise Johannes on my own, but 99% of the “research” was all me. There were tough times and easy times but we worked it out and somewhere along the way the hard times were forgotten, and all that remains is the positive memories.
Since Magnus was born things have been much simpler. Easier somehow. I feel confidence in my role as a mother. I don’t have Amazon book orders on standby in my checkout basket. I let him sleep on me all day every day, or beside me if he so wishes….except at night when he likes to sleep in his own bed. I don’t have the breathing monitor on at all, I don’t stress if he fusses and grunts, or sneezes or hasn’t pooped in 5 hours. I just live and enjoy. I think that along with confidence in myself as a mother, raising Johannes taught me how quickly the time goes. That bad times WILL fade and they will be replaced with happy memories. So I don’t sweat the small stuff. And you know what? I don’t think I am screwing it up. In his short little 6 weeks of life, Magnus is such a happy guy. He’s sweet and calm and I couldn’t have asked for a better fit with our family. His new smile is infectious and I cannot wait to snuggle him in the mornings, while Johannes and Minggis the cat sit with us on the nursery bench. I think I’m happier too.
And p.s. don’t you just love kissing newborn squishy faces and that wrinkly bit of head scalp?! ahhhhh its my favorite thing ever along with the baby smell, but I can’t smell Magnus. As Johannes likes to tell me all the time, “mom you smell like Magnus”. I guess I can’t smell myself.